Akeru

Japanese word:
It means "to pierce, to open, to end, to make a hole in, to start, to expire, to unwrap, to turn over." When someone leaves, Akeru refers to the empty space that is created, the opening in which a new beginning can take place.

This is in the beginning of the book I am reading
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

Five Question Friday

Decided to try Mamma M's 5 question Friday. You can see her and other peoples answers over at http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/

Hey friends! It's Friday...and it's time for Five Question Friday!! I dunno 'bout anyone else, but I really look forward to this!! Hope you'll join in!

Rules, my dear...copy the following questions, paste them to your blog, answer them...then, grab the MckLinky code and link up! I'd love it if you'd link back to me...but, that's not a requirement! ;) And, if you don't have a blog...feel free to answer the questions in the comments below!
Here we go!! (Special thanks, this week, to A., Liz, and Sandy for their questions! Wanna contribute? Check out the discussion in my community!)

1. What is the one thing that you reach for the most in a day (excluding phones and computers)?

2. What is the farthest you have been from home?

3. What kind of cell phone do you have? Love it or hate it?

4. Coke or Pepsi?

5. If you could go back and change anything about your wedding day, what would it be and why?

Answers:

1. My son or the glass of water

2. Brazil

3. LG Dare. Not bad but now that it is full of baby slobber it doesn't work quite the same, spekaer is going, color on screen distorted.

4. Neither, Ginger Beer (since getting PG can't drink either, in High School is was Coke)

5. At the moment I would have to say who I married

It is snowing

It has snowed here the last 2 days and gotten sunny again in the morning.

I made the decisions I made after getting the test results, one day I will post everything but decided not to at this point.

My baby and I are just enjoying spending time with each other, soon he'll have to share.

Eventually he did call to yell at me for trying him so much, contacting his boss, the social worker from the hospital trying to reach him. I listened, apologized that he felt that way and then let him know that I wasn't going to argue, be yelled at, called names. I asked him if he was going to watch the baby and he said I wouldn't see him again until after we went to court so at least I didn't have to feel guilt about not sending him to his dads and sending him elsewhere. (he still hasn't started his parenting after separation course needed before court applications) so it'll be quite a while before he is ready to put in a court application, mine is already in anyway.

I let him talk to the baby and he was telling him how horrible I was and going on and on so I hung up. He called back I let him know that if he was going to put me down, etc on the phone while talking to the baby I would hang up again. He has since tried to reach me a few times but I have not been talking to him.

After last weekend I feel broken and alone but I know that there will be nothing amicable, I know that I will not be able to count on him. I know that he won't be there when our new baby is born nor will I trust him to watch our son.

Test results are in

All the test results are in now and I have the information to make an informed decision. Not that either option is easy but I can now make the one I feel is best for me and my boys.

We went for a walk today and giggled watching flocks of birds in the field.

What is wrong with me?

I have been DESPERATELY trying to reach him for over a day, finally ended up calling his emergency line at work (spoke with his boss) found out that he called in sick Friday and they have not heard from him. His boss was going to see what he could do, not sure if he has had any luck or not.

His phones are off, left tons of messages and emergency services social worker left a message for him. None of which he is returning.

Most of my stuff, like warm clothes and SOCKS are all in his storage facilities I can't access them without him I wonder when that will be possible to go to the storage facility. I am wondering about our banking situation, are we still splitting things jointly.

Now I am worried about him. I should be at the hospital taking care of myself and my baby but I am watching the baby that is here sleep and wondering what I should do.

UGH I do not want to contact his parents.

Not being able to watch my son makes me feel like a failure

I went to the Dr. this morning, got some results back and sent for more tests. They did me in today, it hurts to sit, breathe, keep my eyes open and I can't take care of my son. I can't lift him up without puking.

So I called him at work today...once, and then sent his personal cell a message saying that I didn't want to bother him but I really needed help with the baby.

Then I sent him a couple more texts in the afternoon, and tried him work number three hours after the first call. Then I tried again about an hour later. For the last hour I've been calling him off the hook and sent texts to his work and personal number.

He hasn't returned anything, I get we aren't together and that he doesn't have to check in, he has been GREAT about calling to say goodnight to our son which helps him so much. But WHY can't he just watch him for a bit. I am not asking him to take care of me, just help with our son.

Now on top of not feeling well, I can't stop crying because I thought that even though we aren't together he could at least watch our son if I asked no BEGGED him too.

Today was filled with Dr.'s appointments

Waiting on test results is never fun.

Waiting on test results with no one to talk to about what they are testing for makes seconds feel like hours.